This blog has been a very important platform for me.
Through it, I have been able to openly share about my personal and professional life, which has been greatly enriched by the practice of entrepreneurship.
As I have progressed in this journey, I have often felt compelled to honor those individuals that have made this dream a reality – my friends, my enemies, my parents and teachers, and my lovely wife to name a few.
The time has come to honor, recognize and pay tribute to another vital and irreplaceable “Entity”, which has been foundational to my journey.
This “Entity” is what I would call The Spirit.
What is The Spirit and why do I feel compelled to talk about it?
Several years ago a work colleague asked me if I had any vices. After all, he knew I didn’t drink, smoke or swear. Actually, I do swear on occasion, but I am a vegetarian.
I lived a pretty healthy lifestyle for a variety of reasons, but I was uneasy answering his question, because, despite outer appearances, I definitely had my fair share of vices.
Bust My Lust
Of the “seven deadly sins“, the one I had struggled with the most in my life was lust. I wrestled with it a lot and it was never that much of a “deadly” concern until I started to progress in marriage and parenthood.
For me, lust started to become a source of imbalance.
Like many men, I started to harbor and nurture desires for sexual variety. The scientific research suggests that this is part of man’s genetic inheritance.
Either way, I tried to exert my will, but I could not succeed for the life of me. At some point, I resigned to the idea that Elon Musk was going to send a person to Mars and back before my lust was going to be transmuted into something redeeming. It felt like a futile fight against nature and at some point I just gave up.
While I never went down the path of Tiger Woods in actuality, my mind and thoughts certainly did all the time and I used porn as a regular outlet for these hidden desires.
Obviously, this was not something I was proud of.
I won’t be too harsh on my past self or others. This was a symptom of a deeper problem – a problem I didn’t know how to solve or even know that I needed to solve.
I did not fully appreciate it at the time, but the fact is I had wounds. Deep emotional wounds that needed something to numb the pain. Some of us resort to things like drugs, alcohol, gambling or other types of addicting “medication”. For me, lust was my pain-numbing outlet.
The Caterpillar, Cocoon and The Butterfly
Like all children, I came into this world with a very pure and open heart. As I got older, I faced many sad and trying situations, which hurt me deeply – feelings of betrayal, abandonment and rejection.
By the time I was 25 years of age, I had completely cut the emotional side out of my life. I was tired of being wounded. The pain was too much. So, I put up this very thick wall around my heart and emotions.
I spun a cocoon for myself.
I was high functioning, but I was also largely disconnected from my passion, purpose and courageous vulnerability – my heart.
I lost touch with the source of my joyous abandon and resorted to transient, superficial pleasures to fill the void. I started to slide into a downward spiral, with no hope or intention of making things different.
But a few years ago, something very unexpected and magical happened.
Overnight, everything changed.
A Spirit awakened in me and got to the root of the problem. It came into the core of my heart and licked my wounds clean. It broke through the walls that I had put up around my emotional body and showed me a Love that I had never known – a Love so great, so powerful, so incredibly overwhelming that I cried for days.
In one fell swoop, an undeniable Truth was revealed: The Spirit is real and through It, all things are possible.
I was transformed.
Behold The Spirit and The Source of All Pleasure
I wrote about the events that led up to this seminal moment a while back, but I did not fully explain why this change was so important to me and how it reshaped my definition of success.
When I unpacked some of my baggage and created space in my otherwise clouded heart, the Spirit moved.
Finally, there was room in my heart for energy to flow. Energy that was long blocked by pain, hurt and resentment. In this new open space, energy that was largely in my head (and loins) quickly moved into the chambers of my heart and soul. Energy moving through this vacant and cleansed space created a pleasure so profound, so unbelievably orgasmic, that it made all other pleasures look and feel like a laughable trinket.
My pain-numbing activities were dwarfed and displaced by something far more potent and gratifying.
In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, I became the “master of my domain”. Women were no longer sex objects, but rather embodiments of gentle kindness – deserving of the highest form of genuine, brotherly affection. If Elon’s mission to Mars wasn’t impossible, overcoming my lust was, yet all of a sudden I had outpaced him.
But, I could not take credit. How could I? This was the working of a supernatural Power.
This was the miracle of the Spirit.
She healed my afflictions and increased my capacity to give and receive love – to wield and exercise forgiveness. To reconnect with my child heart – beautiful and free.
Love, Pain and Invincibility
She also taught me not to avoid pain, but to be fully open to it. For I could not have Love without pain.
I have been wounded many times since this transformation, but rather than rebuild walls, I allow myself and my Spirit to fully receive the blow. To take it in entirely and feel it to the core.
My heart will ache with excruciating pain for days. I can be very sad. I grieve. I allow myself to sit with the pain.
The Spirit holds the experience and somehow, in due time, very miraculously, She transmutes the pain into Joy. She converts the grief into an opportunity for compassion and forgiveness. The pain or loss serves as a grand chance to expand the heart and experience an ever growing capacity for resilience, mercy and rapture.
With the Spirit in my heart nothing can truly befall me. She is with me and will accompany me through the portals of death and beyond. This Spirit has not absolved me from all pain, but She has helped me face adversity with greater fortitude and grace.
While I am still a flawed human being, I feel closer to perfection than ever before. And, like this great country, I am on a path to a “more perfect union”.
Yes, we are “endowed with unalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” But, perhaps more importantly, we are endowed with a Spirit that has the potential, if we allow it, to uplift, transform and deliver us from the fetters of material addiction and suffering.
In this way, the Spirit levels the playing field for all humankind. Because regardless of our lot, we have access to It.
When society thinks about “success”, we usually think about things like degrees and grade point averages. Elite colleges and fat salaries. Fancy homes and exotic vacations. IPOs and acquisitions.
I have been a part of these kind of “successes”.
At the same time, my inner life was often in turmoil. What I thought and felt inside, did not properly line up with my outer life.
There was a disconnect.
I had all the things society told me I should have, yet, inside I was a mess. This mess kept me from experiencing a much better version of myself and success always felt like a mirage – nonexistent, if not fleeting.
With a cleansed heart and the Spirit flowing therein, success has become an ever present reality – through the simple joy of living, creating and connecting everyday.
I share this story because, perhaps, it can serve as hope for those struggling with pain, depression or addiction. I didn’t think there was any hope for me, but now I believe that there is always hope.
With The Spirit, all things are possible.
She has sanctified my life and made me Whole.
For this, I honor Her, for nothing is greater or more powerful.
Vikas Narula (@NarulaTweets) is Creator and Co-Founder of Keyhubs (@Keyhubs) – a software and services company specializing in workplace social analytics. He is also Founder of Neighborhood Forest – a social venture dedicated to giving free trees to kids every Earth Day.
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